Today, I’m feeling some resistance about moving on to the arranging stage of the composition process of my album. I think I am a bit overwhelmed by the number of ideas I created. The transition from Loopy Pro to Studio One has required more effort than I was hoping, which has taken me out of the flow (but probably giving me some good separation, too). And I’m starting to give the process more weight and meaning than I should. Jamming and developing ideas was easy to maintain detachment from the outcome. But now I’m thinking, “is this good enough to become a full arrangement?” Getting caught up on whether these ideas will turn into good arrangements is a classic example of how attachment to outcomes creates suffering and blocks creative flow. I wholly believe that having a thoughtful process is the way to go for making music. But it also adds a sense of formality that I need to let go of to stay creative.

So maybe it’s not surprising that yesterday’s win was working on the No Kings audio. I felt compelled to work on it, as opposed to thinking I should. This is the difference between authentic action—following inspiration—versus ego-driven action that comes from “shoulds.” I felt like I “should” be arranging my album tracks because I’ve told myself that’s my job and the basis for measuring my progress right now. But as an artist, I also need to follow my inspiration and curiosity. Yesterday, that was about the audio I recorded of the Seattle No Kings protest and what it would sound like with different manipulations–what it would reveal about the experience. I felt a bit guilty about working on it all day–I even felt the guilt in my stomach. I even feel a little now (and that I’m journaling instead of being “productive”). Noticing that physical sensation of guilt without being controlled by it is exactly the kind of mindful awareness that helps navigate creative resistance. But I also think it was a personal victory to remember that I’m an artist and that creating art requires following your emotions, embracing process, and letting go of specific outcomes or metrics.

I’m actually feeling a bit impatient to curate and incorporate samples of field recording and spoken word for tracks in my album. I’ve chosen this point to just focus on musical instrumentation and hold off on the sampling. I’m not entirely sure where field recording and spoken word work should fit in the process. Staying open to not knowing, rather than forcing a predetermined approach, is beginner’s mind in action. On one hand, I can see value in ensuring that the music can be arranged well. On the other hand, if arranging is storytelling and the field recordings and spoken word are main characters in the story, how can I fully arrange the tracks without knowing what field recordings and spoken word I’m using? So maybe the balance is to come up with a very abbreviated draft arrangement with just the instrumentation—the climax and other main sections. But before creating a thoughtfully arranged story, I should go get the other audio so I know who all the characters in the arrangement are. Finding this middle path between extremes—full arrangement versus no arrangement—feels like the right approach.